Waiting upon the Lord

Have I ever mentioned how much strength the words of prophets give me? Whenever I am discouraged or overwhelmed or sad I open my scriptures, listen to or read a conference talk. Most of the time I would rather just sit in self pity, but I'm always so glad when I choose to read the words of wise men because I feel better without fail.

On one of these occasions I was listening to Elder Robert D. Hales give a talk during the Sunday morning session of conference. It was titled:

Waiting Upon the Lord: Thy Will Be Done.

You can't get the full effect of his talk unless you read it in it's entirety but I did want to share some of my favorite quotes from his talk.

"Does this mean we will always understand our challenges? Won’t all of us, sometime, have reason to ask, 'O God, where art thou?'...Yes, 'weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.' Then, in the dawn of our increased faith and understanding, we arise and choose to wait upon the Lord, saying, 'Thy will be done.'

"What, then, does it mean to wait upon the Lord? In the scriptures, the wordwait means to hope, to anticipate, and to trust. To hope and trust in the Lord requires faith, patience, humility, meekness, long-suffering, keeping the commandments, and enduring to the end."

"In my life I have learned that sometimes I do not receive an answer to a prayer because the Lord knows I am not ready. When He does answer, it is often 'here a little and there a little' because that is all that I can bear or all I am willing to do.

"We may not know when or how the Lord’s answers will be given, but in His time and His way, I testify, His answers will come. For some answers we may have to wait until the hereafter. This may be true for some promises in our patriarchal blessings and for some blessings for family members. Let us not give up on the Lord. His blessings are eternal, not temporary."

"His blessings are eternal not temporary." What a great reminder as I wait upon the Lord.

You can also read this previous post about waiting on the Lord.

Where is Your Faith?

Did you get a chance to listen to the LDS General Conference at the beginning of October? If not you can listen to it or read it here.

There were so many inspiring and uplifting words spoken. One talk in particular stood out to me. It was given by Elder Neil L. Anderson.

He spoke about families and having children. It was a great reminder to me that no couple has the same experience with starting a family. His story of the couple that didn't have the opportunity to adopt until they were well into their 40's reminded me of something a friend once said to me.

"It's my experience that no one gets pregnant when/how they want to. It's either too quickly or not soon enough.."

I was just talking to a friend about her adoption process. She told me about support classes she and her husband went to. At these groups every couple was in a different situation. Some couples had already adopted children, some couples had children naturally but for various reason could no longer have children of their own. Other couples had never had the chance to have children yet.

It was just another example of how unique all of our situations are.

I also loved Elder Anderson's quote from President Kimball, "Where is your faith?". Whether it's a couple that wants children and it is taking a long time to receive them or a couple that can have children but isn't sure they're ready for them, the question is the same, "Where is your faith?". Do we believe that when the Lord speaks to us he will be true to his word. Do we remember Abraham and many other righteous individuals in the scriptures who were required to wait patiently on the Lord for the blessing of children?

Although no one on earth can fully comprehend another's situation, there is one that not only understands our situation, but knows how it will end.

Elder Anderson closed his talk with this promise:

"As the Lord’s servant, I assure you that this promise is certain: 'Faithful members whose circumstances do not allow them to receive the blessings of eternal marriage and parenthood in this life will receive all promised blessings in the eternities, [as] they keep the covenants they have made with God.'”

"Let us humbly and prayerfully seek to understand and accept God’s commandments, reverently listening for the voice of His Holy Spirit."

I know the Lord loves me and is aware of my desires. I know he will bless me.

So I have to ask myself the question:

Do I TRUST Him enough?

Sorrow then Joy

One of my favorite chapters in the Book of Mormon are Alma 17-28.

These chapters focus on the missionary work of Alma and the sons of Mosiah (including Ammon, my favorite!).

Maybe that's an odd thing to bring up on a blog focused on fertility.

I'll expound.

I just finished reading these chapters in my personal study and I'm always amazed at the wisdom that comes from the experiences of these men. I believe you can apply their example and experiences to all sorts of life events.

I just read two verses that stood out to me:

"And now surely this was a sorrowful day; yea, a time of solemnity, and a time of much fasting and prayer."

"And this is the account of...their afflictions, and their incomprehensible joy..."

(Alma 28:6 & 8)

Verse 6 was a good reminder to me that in our day of sorrow is when we need to increase our fasting and prayer to the Lord. It is so tempting to want to give up. To not care. To do nothing. But when we turn to the Lord he will bless us with joy.

Which brings me to verse 8. I wrote in the margins of my scriptures:

"first sorrow, then joy"

Isn't that how it usually works. It is only after the sorrow that we feel the increase of joy. And our joy is more sweet because of the sorrow.

It is incomprehensible joy!

Even though the sorrow and aching of not being a mother is hard, and not wished on anyone, how much more joy will we have when we are finally blessed with that experience?

I know our Heavenly Father is aware of our sorrows and when we endure well, he blesses us with an increase of joy!

Sacrifice of Women

My mom sent me the link to this article from Mormon Times the other day. I especially loved the second half of the article. I know that whatever is the Lord's plan for us He sees our sacrifices and will bless us for them, whether in this life or the next.

"A year later, I had a miscarriage. My first. In the aftermath I grappled with many difficult feelings— grief, anger, longing. Sure, I had only been pregnant for a few weeks, but I had already invested great physical, emotional and spiritual energy in this new life and for what?

A few weeks later, I spoke with a close friend of mine who had just suffered her second miscarriage. I confided my sense of emptiness and futility. But as I continued to speak, I heard surprising words coming from my mouth.

"It wasn't a waste," I said. "It wasn't a waste."

I wasn't quite sure what I meant. But I knew that somehow, my loss counted. It was known by God and would, in some inexplicable way, contribute to his work and his glory, as well as my personal holiness.

I felt better after that, even though it still took more time to recover, both physically and emotionally. I became convinced that when women offer their bodies as vehicles for new life, they are consecrating themselves to God's purposes, and God honors this offering, whether or not it results in live birth.

I realized that this is true for women in a variety of circumstances: women who try and try, but are unable to conceive; women who face the rigors of adopting a child; women who remain single in this lifetime, who must forego maternity as well as intimacy on a number of levels.

I came to this conclusion. Every woman of faith consecrates her body as a living sacrifice. Whether our particular burden is fullness or emptiness, each of us is pushing against the world's current with our eyes on the kingdom of God."

Heat

I made some banana bread today.

It actually turned out really good.

It was soft and moist with no burns or gooey spots.

It was just right.

As I sat eating a slice late at night I started thinking about how my bread got from the slimy ingredients I put in the pan to the delicious fluffy bread I was eating. The answer to this transformation of my dough to bread all happened because of heat.

It was also important that just the right ingredients mixed together before it was exposed to that heat and that it was IN the heat for just the right amount of time. Otherwise my bread couldn't become the deliciousness I was eating.

And as I ate my bread it dawned on me that our lives are kind of the same.

The Lord is so careful to put just the right experiences, or ingredients, in our life at just the right time so when a trial comes along we have the opportunity to grow and become a "delicious piece of bread". If we try to escape from our trials too quickly we might still be a little gooey in the middle, or in other words we won't reach our full potential.

The Lord said:

"My [daughter], peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy [trials] " (D&C 121:7-8)

So the next time I'm in the midst of the heat, I think I'll try to remember my banana bread and imagine what "deliciousness" I can become if I endure it well.

I wanted to share my thoughts on Mother's Day. I have been pondering a lot today on those years of trying to celebrate this holiday without children. It's tough--I would try to be optimistic and believe in words of Sheri Dew (thanks, Elise), but at the same time I would feel stupid when people would say "Happy Mother's Day" to me. But even though this day is a very important and special holiday, it is also just a day. And even though we put extra emphasis on mothers once a year, we are ALL given the responsibility to mother ALL the time. And that should be our highest aspiration whether we have children or not. Motherhood is not something that is given to us. It is our eternal make up and fiber.
I feel guilty from time to time for not getting a full time job while I was married with no kids. I admire those women who do. But I already had too much on my personal plate so I didn't go there. But I definitely still had a job--I was the nurturer in my home. That doesn't ever go away or change. We are unique and different as women. But the very things that make us unique are also the very things that make us the same--we are given gifts to develop that can help each other and the world--but most importantly we are given gifts to nurture our souls well enough that we can be effective mothers. Any time I feel like I am having a hard time, and am less than patient with people, it is because I have forgotten to remember what it is that I am supposed to be focusing on. The manifestation of our mothering is vastly individual. But the calling is the same. And I'm grateful for that.
All of this preamble has led up to what I really want to share. And that is that during my infertile years, we started a tradition in our family. Each Mother's Day, my husband gives me a priesthood blessing.  And despite the fact that I have received many answers to prayer and received many blessings--these are the ones that continue to bless and sustain me the most. It is clear that Heavenly Father knows my inner most soul. And whether I have had to wait longer for children or not, the increased feeling of love in my life is significant because of this tradition. So no matter your own unique situation, I highly recommend beginning your own spiritual tradition surrounding this day. I know it will bless you like it has blessed me. Happy Mother's Day! 

We Are the Lord's Secret Weapon

Since Mother’s Day and Easter fell so close to each other this year, I couldn’t help but reflect on the connection between these events.

Mother's day can be a hard when you are yearning for, but have not yet obtained, that most precious role of mother. I have come to learn that there is so much to celebrate on this special day whether we are mothers yet or not. One of my all-time favorite talks is by Sheri Dew titled "Are We Not All Mothers?”.

Not only has Sheri Dew never had the opportunity to be a mother, but she has never even had the opportunity to marry. She is a wise women of God and I love reading her words. She said:
*(note-emphasis is added)

“… both God the Father and Adam called Eve “the mother of all living”—and they did so before she ever bore a child. Like Eve, our motherhood began before we were born. Motherhood...is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.
Elder John A. Widtsoe was explicit: ‘Women who through no fault of their own cannot exercise the gift of motherhood directly, may do so vicariously.’
For reasons known to the Lord, some women are required to wait to have children. This delay is not easy for any righteous woman. But the Lord’s timetable for each of us does not negate our nature. Some of us, then, must simply find other ways to mother. And all around us are those who need to be loved and led.
And we each have the responsibility to love and help lead the rising generation. How will our young women learn to live as women of God unless they see what women of God look like, meaning what we wear, watch, and read.
Every sister in Relief Society…is responsible to help our young women make a joyful transition into Relief Society. … Every one of us can mother someone… I repeat: We are all mothers in Israel, and our calling is to love and help lead the rising generation through the dangerous streets of mortality.
As mothers in Israel, we are the Lord’s secret weapon. Our influence comes from a divine endowment that has been in place from the beginning.
(Sheri L. Dew, January 2002, “Are We Not All Mothers?”)

I love that wording. We are the Lord’s secret weapon. ALL women! ALL of us! We are to be the examples, teachers and leaders of the rising generation whether it’s our own children, those we come in contact with at church, work, or in our extended families.

I have had the privilege of working with youth and children my entire life. I have become very close to many of them and I would hope that I have had some kind of positive influence on at least one of them. But it is humbling to know that, even though I don’t have children of my own yet, it is my responsibility (and yours and yours) to lead the next generation.

As we do our part to lead these children and youth it doesn’t take away the sorrow of being unable to raise children of our own. This is where the atonement comes in. Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles tells us:

“…our understanding of and faith in the Atonement of Jesus Christ will provide strength and capacity needed for a successful life. It will also bring confidence in times of trial and peace in moments of turmoil.”
(Richard G. Scott, April 2010, “He Lives! All Glory to His Name!”)

Our Father in Heaven loves each of us. How merciful of him to provide this peace, confidence and strength when we need it most. I know that he will bless each of his righteous daughters with the opportunity to be mothers in this life or the next. In the meantime, we can practice being mothers by mothering those around us.

I have read a great blog post about this promise of motherhood. Read more about it here.