Waiting upon the Lord

Have I ever mentioned how much strength the words of prophets give me? Whenever I am discouraged or overwhelmed or sad I open my scriptures, listen to or read a conference talk. Most of the time I would rather just sit in self pity, but I'm always so glad when I choose to read the words of wise men because I feel better without fail.

On one of these occasions I was listening to Elder Robert D. Hales give a talk during the Sunday morning session of conference. It was titled:

Waiting Upon the Lord: Thy Will Be Done.

You can't get the full effect of his talk unless you read it in it's entirety but I did want to share some of my favorite quotes from his talk.

"Does this mean we will always understand our challenges? Won’t all of us, sometime, have reason to ask, 'O God, where art thou?'...Yes, 'weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.' Then, in the dawn of our increased faith and understanding, we arise and choose to wait upon the Lord, saying, 'Thy will be done.'

"What, then, does it mean to wait upon the Lord? In the scriptures, the wordwait means to hope, to anticipate, and to trust. To hope and trust in the Lord requires faith, patience, humility, meekness, long-suffering, keeping the commandments, and enduring to the end."

"In my life I have learned that sometimes I do not receive an answer to a prayer because the Lord knows I am not ready. When He does answer, it is often 'here a little and there a little' because that is all that I can bear or all I am willing to do.

"We may not know when or how the Lord’s answers will be given, but in His time and His way, I testify, His answers will come. For some answers we may have to wait until the hereafter. This may be true for some promises in our patriarchal blessings and for some blessings for family members. Let us not give up on the Lord. His blessings are eternal, not temporary."

"His blessings are eternal not temporary." What a great reminder as I wait upon the Lord.

You can also read this previous post about waiting on the Lord.

Heat

I made some banana bread today.

It actually turned out really good.

It was soft and moist with no burns or gooey spots.

It was just right.

As I sat eating a slice late at night I started thinking about how my bread got from the slimy ingredients I put in the pan to the delicious fluffy bread I was eating. The answer to this transformation of my dough to bread all happened because of heat.

It was also important that just the right ingredients mixed together before it was exposed to that heat and that it was IN the heat for just the right amount of time. Otherwise my bread couldn't become the deliciousness I was eating.

And as I ate my bread it dawned on me that our lives are kind of the same.

The Lord is so careful to put just the right experiences, or ingredients, in our life at just the right time so when a trial comes along we have the opportunity to grow and become a "delicious piece of bread". If we try to escape from our trials too quickly we might still be a little gooey in the middle, or in other words we won't reach our full potential.

The Lord said:

"My [daughter], peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy [trials] " (D&C 121:7-8)

So the next time I'm in the midst of the heat, I think I'll try to remember my banana bread and imagine what "deliciousness" I can become if I endure it well.

Be Still My Soul--part 2

This post was inspired by Elise's post on January 23rd.  I was really touched by Elise's application of the hymn "Be Still My Soul."  As I read her words, I was reminded of a few scriptures that relate:

"Be still my soul, thy God doth undertake, to guide the future as He has the past."
     In my times of trial, it helps me to remember that God has never forsaken me in the past.  It helps me to think of specific times in my life when I thought all was lost, but in retrospect, I can see that God was there all along.  This is one of the reasons I love journaling.  As I read my old journals, I am amazed to see how God worked things out for me.  In the Book of Mormon, Nephi also relied on the past in order to maintain his faith in the present:
1 Nephi 4:-1-2:  “And it came to pass that I spake unto my brethren, saying: Let us go up again unto Jerusalem, and let us be faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord; for behold he is mightier than all the earth, then why not mightier than Laban and his fifty, yea, or even than his tens of thousands? Therefore let us go up; let us be strong like unto Moses; for he truly spake unto the waters of the Red Sea and they divided hither and thither, and our fathers came through, out of captivity, on dry ground, and the armies of Pharaoh did follow and were drowned in the waters of the Red Sea.”

Because he knew the scriptures, Nephi was able to draw strength from the story of Moses and the deliverance of the children of Isreal.  Similarly, we can draw strength from stories in the scriptures, church history, family history, or even our own part.  If God guided His children in the past, He will surely guide them today.  If God guided me in the past, He will surely guide me in my current trials.

"Thy hope thy confidence let nothing shake; all now mysterious shall be bright at last.  Be still my soul, the waves and winds still know, His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below."


The reference in the hymn to "waves and winds" remind me of something I noticed in my reading of the New Testament.  Several accounts in the NT tell of Jesus walking across the Sea of Galilee to reach his frightened apostles in the midst of a storm. In Mark 6:47-51, it says: “And when evening was come, the ship [of the disciples] was in the midst of the sea, and [Jesus] was alone on the land. And he saw them toiling in rowing; for the wind was contrary unto them: and about the fourth watch of the night he cometh unto them, walking upon the sea...He talked with them, and saith unto them, ‘Be of good cheer: it is I; be not afraid.’ And he went up unto them into the ship; and the wind ceased...”

It’s so interesting to me that Jesus stood on the shore watching the disciples struggling and toiling before he intervened and calmed the storm. He was there all along, watching over them, but they didn’t know it. This has so many parallels to my life experiences and my frustration with years of infertility. Christ doesn’t always immediately calm my storms just because I want Him to. He often waits until the “fourth watch,” meaning that I often have to struggle and toil for a long time before He lightens my burdens. Nevertheless, He is always there, “on the shoreline,” watching over and protecting me in the midst of my storms.

If Thou Endure it Well

I was watching the well-known church movie Legacy today. Our pioneer ancestors are such a great example of faith and trust in the Savior.
In the movie this scripture was quoted and, although I know it well, this time it really stood out to me:

"My [daughter] peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high"

Doctrine and Covenants 121:7-8

Endure it well.

Well

Now that's the hard part. It's one thing to endure a trial, its another to do it well.

But then I was reminded that I don't have to do it alone. There is someone that does know exactly what I'm going through and will ease my burden so that I can endure it well!

Christ said:

"I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days"

Moses 1:26

That's what makes the Gospel of Jesus Christ so wonderful. That is what helps me endure well.

Be Still, My Soul

Last Sunday this hymn was played in church as a beautiful musical number. It's always been one of my favorites.

As my husband and I sat together listening, I found added strength and comfort in the words.

Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.

Patience. What a hard thing to learn. I used to think I was patient, but the older I get the more I realize I'm just not. This is by far the hardest thing. Especially because when we think we've been patient plenty long, it's just the beginning for the Lord.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.

This reminds me of a scripture (I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say).
Sometimes I have to remind myself of this. He'll take care of me. As long as I do my part, He'll give me all that I need and then some more...ALWAYS.

Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

I had a professor that called those thorny ways "Celestial Stress". Look at any great person you know and you'll see some extremely hard trials that they went through and those trials are what made them great. So whenever I'm faced with something difficult I try to remember to ask myself: "What am I suppose to learn from and gain from this experience?" I know that the Lord cares for me more than anyone else. Because of this, I also know that if I stay close to the Lord I will come out of it a better person and more joyful because I am that much closer to Him.

Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.

I know this is true but I always need to be reminded of it during tough times. I KNOW that the Lord has ALWAYS taken care of me in the past. EVERY trouble I have had, he has guided me and it has worked for my good. My husband is so good to remember this and sometimes needs to gently remind me when I'm having a rough day.

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

It can be really hard to keep constant hope. I remember one night breaking down and crying to my husband (and later to the Lord). I told him how badly I wanted to have faith like Nephi, the Brother-of-Jared, and so many others that didn't waiver. But whether we have perfect faith and hope or not, one day we will see the answer to those questions that are so hard to understand now.

Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.
Doesn't this remind you of Mark chapter 4? When the Lord calmed the seas. I've always loved that story. If the waves of the sea know who Christ is and obey him, shouldn't I too? Even when it's tough? Maybe I need to be like the sea more often and just BE STILL.

Not only was the music absolutely beautiful and the words inspiring, but there was icing on the cake. Have you ever noticed the scriptures at the bottom of hymns? I don't look at them very often, but I decided to look them up this time. What GREAT scriptures!

Psalm 37:3-9
"Trust in the Lord, and do good....Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass....Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him...wait upon the Lord, they shall inherit the earth."

Doctrine and Covenants 101:14, 16, 36-38

"And all they who have mourned shall be comforted....all flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am God.
"Wherefore, fear not even unto death; for in this world your joy is not full, but in me your joy is full. Therefore, care not for the body, neither the life of the body; but care for the soul, and for the life of the soul. And seek the face of the Lord always, that in patience ye may possess your souls, and ye shall have eternal life."

And to top it all off, even the talks went along with this personal spiritual feast I experienced.

One of the speakers said these words:

Have faith in the future

Where the Lord will take us will be better than where we've been.

I felt so blessed that the Lord would allow me to learn such wonderful things. I'm glad I was willing to listen and worthy to hear.

Peace that passeth all understanding

I had a rough week last week...sometimes that happens with no real explanation as to why.  I felt sorry for myself and wondered why my husband and I don't have children yet.  I prayed and asked God what I should do.

My answer came in the Palmyra Temple.  I was reading the Bible, and I came across this passage in Philippians.  As I read it, I was amazed how each verse built on the next and spoke to me clearly about our current situation:

6 Be careful for nothing*; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

     *The footnote here said, "Don't be unduly concerned about anything."  The verse seemed to be saying to me, "Don't stress too much about not having a baby yet.  Just pray and thank God for your blessings and tell Him what you want, and then trust Him."

7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

     *This is one of my all-time favorite verses of scripture.  It describes perfectly the uncanny peace that I felt when my mom passed away when I was a teenager.  How could I be feeling peace during the worst days of my life? It didn't make any sense.  But this verse explains that God's peace "passeth understanding"--it doesn't always seem possible or reasonable.  Yet, this peace guards or "keeps" our hearts and enables us to bear even the most difficult challenges in life.  Through Him, I can feel peace, even with infertility.

8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there by any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

     *I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about my desperate desire for a child.  It can become consuming.  I sometimes compare myself to other people and think, "We are the only married couple in Ryan's dental class that still doesn't have children" or "I can't believe that she got pregnant her first month of trying," etc.  This kind of thinking is not helpful.  It only leads to unfounded bitterness and discouragement.  This verse reminded me that, instead, I need to "think on things" that are uplifting and lovely.  I need to have hope.

9  Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and hear, and seen in me, do; and the God of peace shall be with you.

     *This scripture seemed like a simple instruction: Keep doing what you know is right.  Don't become paralyzed by discouragement or self-pity.  Push along.  Be obedient. Keep trying, keep serving, keep praying.  God will be with you.

11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, there with to be content.

     *Rachel, be content.  Be happy.  You have a wonderful life.  Enjoy it.  Sleep in on a Saturday morning (you won't be doing that once you have kids!); go for a late-night run with Ryan (again, not really possible with a newborn); go on a romantic dinner date or a spur-of-the-moment road trip (hard to pull off with kids).  This is a good stage of life--so savor it.

13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

     *The final line of this passage is obviously the most important: I can do and bear anything through Jesus Christ.  He has been strengthening me through this difficult trial.

Wait on the Lord

Rachel is one of the inspiring women I know. I have taken excerpts from a post on her personal blog. To read the entire entry you can go here.

I am a woman of many words. I love to talk, I love to write, I love to express, I love to communicate. I feel that in order to truly understand the things that are most important to me, I must verbalize and record them.

So why is it so hard for me to capture in words all that I have learned and experienced in the past few months?

I sit down, and I try to write blog posts or journal entries...and I just can’t do it. It’s not that it is too sad or too hard for me—it’s just that I don’t have the words. I have learned so much more than I can possibly verbalize in one sitting. I feel like it will come out little by little over the months and years.

We had a particularly tough week [recently]. I was getting discouraged about myself...and a little angry with God.... Life didn’t feel fair.

I often wonder what that phrase means—“the way that they were supposed to.” How much of our lives are planned/controlled by God? How much does He mean to happen, and how much does He just allow to happen? I know that we all have free will and agency, so it’s not like He dictates exactly what we are going to do.... He has the ability and desire to help everything work out for the best. He can take an experience that could be considered a trial and turn it into a blessing for all involved. That is the power of His Atonement.

One of my favorite scriptures is Romans 8:28: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.”

God may not have intended for me to have fertility problems, but He has promised that He will work it out for me somehow so that it will be for my good and so that I will still be able to fulfill my calling as a mother....I [have] felt that truth settle on me, and I’ve felt an uncanny peace in the weeks that have followed. Sure, I’ve had a few meltdowns (just ask Ryan), but for the most part, something inside of me is saying, “It’s all going to be okay, Rachel. Just hang on.”

I am proud to say that I am learning. By nature, I am a control freak. I am impatient. I am used to working for what I want. I must say that as much as this experience hurts me, it is good for me. I can feel myself changing.

Which leads me to my last religious thought for the day. (Well, at least my last religious thought to be shared on a public blog.) In Psalms 27:14, we are promised, “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.”

I am waiting. And He is strengthening me.