I had a rough week last week...sometimes that happens with no real explanation as to why. I felt sorry for myself and wondered why my husband and I don't have children yet. I prayed and asked God what I should do.
My answer came in the Palmyra Temple. I was reading the Bible, and I came across this passage in Philippians. As I read it, I was amazed how each verse built on the next and spoke to me clearly about our current situation:
6 Be careful for nothing*; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
*The footnote here said, "Don't be unduly concerned about anything." The verse seemed to be saying to me, "Don't stress too much about not having a baby yet. Just pray and thank God for your blessings and tell Him what you want, and then trust Him."
7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
*This is one of my all-time favorite verses of scripture. It describes perfectly the uncanny peace that I felt when my mom passed away when I was a teenager. How could I be feeling peace during the worst days of my life? It didn't make any sense. But this verse explains that God's peace "passeth understanding"--it doesn't always seem possible or reasonable. Yet, this peace guards or "keeps" our hearts and enables us to bear even the most difficult challenges in life. Through Him, I can feel peace, even with infertility.
8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there by any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
*I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about my desperate desire for a child. It can become consuming. I sometimes compare myself to other people and think, "We are the only married couple in Ryan's dental class that still doesn't have children" or "I can't believe that she got pregnant her first month of trying," etc. This kind of thinking is not helpful. It only leads to unfounded bitterness and discouragement. This verse reminded me that, instead, I need to "think on things" that are uplifting and lovely. I need to have hope.
9 Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and hear, and seen in me, do; and the God of peace shall be with you.
*This scripture seemed like a simple instruction: Keep doing what you know is right. Don't become paralyzed by discouragement or self-pity. Push along. Be obedient. Keep trying, keep serving, keep praying. God will be with you.
11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, there with to be content.
*Rachel, be content. Be happy. You have a wonderful life. Enjoy it. Sleep in on a Saturday morning (you won't be doing that once you have kids!); go for a late-night run with Ryan (again, not really possible with a newborn); go on a romantic dinner date or a spur-of-the-moment road trip (hard to pull off with kids). This is a good stage of life--so savor it.
13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
*The final line of this passage is obviously the most important: I can do and bear anything through Jesus Christ. He has been strengthening me through this difficult trial.
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