Monday, March 28, 2011
But there is a difference this time-- At a recent stake conference, a sister bore beautiful testimony about feeling like broken glass. And how she really couldn't see how the pieces could ever fit together again. But then she saw a stained glass window and it all made sense. She is not put together the way she thought, but all of her broken pieces have been fit together to make a whole that is more than she ever thought it could be.
It hit me that this is exactly what my experience with infertility is about. I look at my twins and it's easy to think that they are the end result. That they are the miracle. But that's not the whole story. The real miracle is that because of the hard time I had to get them--I grew to trust God with my life. (not that I do ALL the time). And so now, when I have to face the unknown again--the miracle is still there. The trust is still there. That no matter what the end result is (0, 1, or more kids) the miracle has already happened--the stained glass is being put together. The picture may not be what I planned--but the artist has a better plan anyway. And if I get broken again--I know exactly who will be fitting the pieces together.
Being prepared was tender mercy number three.
How grateful I am for these mercies I have been blessed with. I can't help but wonder:
What if I chose not to open up to my friend? No comfort would have been felt.
Instead of sorrow the Lord blessed me with comfort, peace and a prepared heart.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Excerpt below, but check out the entire post and the entire blog for an uplift!
"Lately I have been upset that my Infertility Anger was coming back. I was irritated by constant reminders that we didn't have any control over when we added children to our family...
In the midst of all of these thoughts, I kept seeing this ad on TV for a new show about couples having babies. Some of the parents seemed apathetic about their new babies, which made me angry.
If only they knew how easy they had it...
I was frustrated. Disgruntled. Confused....
And then our bishop asked me to give a combined, 5th Sunday presentation about self-reliance, welfare and budgeting. That doesn't seem like it would have anything to do with Infertility Anger, but it ended up teaching me a lesson.
As I looked over some materials for my presentation, I kept coming across the same things: 'Trust in the Lord' and 'be content with what you have.'
And then, in the mail I got my February issue of The Ensign magazine and in it were 2 articles about finances and self-reliance. One was called Learning to be Content. It was written by a woman who had been caught up in comparing her home and her financial situation with those of others. She said:
A short time after we moved in, my initial excitement faded as I began to see the flaws of our home and feel discontented. Many of my friends had much larger homes decorated in such appealing styles as to make our home seem small, plain, and wanting. I found myself making comparisons and feeling that I came up short.I had a lot of emotions swirling around in my head and I had forgotten to stop and count my blessings. In order to be happy, I didn't necessarily need to have what other people seemed to take for granted."
During one of my more intense periods of disgruntlement, a couple in our ward invited us to join them for family home evening. When we arrived at their home I felt the anticipated pang of jealousy at the sight of their large, new home in which little had been forgone. What I had not anticipated was the conversation I had with the wife that evening. She mentioned their unhappiness with their home and their desire to find something a little bigger to better suit their needs. I was astounded! How could someone who had so much not realize how lucky she was? I would give anything to live in this gorgeous home—and she was unhappy! How could she not appreciate what she had?
As I later reflected on her comments and my reaction in turn, the Spirit gave me a very profound insight: I was no different from my friend whom I so strongly envied. We had been blessed to purchase a beautiful house that many, many people would be overjoyed to live in. The problem was not with the house—it was with me.