Learning in Unexpected Ways

Sometimes it is the lack of what we desire that teaches us the lesson we need.

I have spent my entire life taking care of children, studying the development of children, and working with children. I was so sure by this time in my life I would have children of my own.

However, the Lord, in his infinite wisdom, has not seen fit that my husband and I be blessed with children yet. The last few months I have had the opportunity to pray more fervently, study the scriptures more carefully, and come closer to the Lord as I have sought to know his will concerning our desire to have a family. I have learned many things, none of which have been an answer as to why we don’t have children yet.

I have learned to TRULY have faith (which I am always praying for more of). I have learned what HOPE is. I have learned to have more empathy for others. I have learned about, studied and ached with some of the women in the Old Testament that also had difficulty having children: Sara, Rachel, Rebekah and Hannah. Each of these women had the same desire I have: to raise righteous children unto the Lord.

In the last few months I have grown so much! That doesn’t mean I don’t have my occasional breakdowns, but I am actually glad to have this struggle. I am glad I have become closer to my Father in Heaven and Savior, glad to progress in the Lord's gospel and glad that I have the opportunity to learn these lessons that will help me be a better mother.

During these months of studying I have come across this quote from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland that has become one of my new favorites:

"We must go forward. God expects you to have enough faith, determination, and trust in Him to keep moving, keep living, keep rejoicing. He expects you not simply to face the future; He expects you to embrace and shape the future—to love it, rejoice in it, and delight in your opportunities.
God is eagerly waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as He always has. But He can’t if you don’t pray, and He can’t if you don’t dream. In short, He can’t if you don’t believe."

(This, the Greatest of All Dispensations, CES Fireside, September 2004)

This is what I am striving to do daily, and I know with the Lord's help I can.