For Me

This blog has been on my mind a lot lately. I have wanted to write something that would help others realize how my path of infertility has helped me. And encourage others to be hopeful about their trials. I just prayed for 3 specific couples to be able to have children. But then I realized that I didn't pray for myself-because I have kids and don't other people need them more? But the stark realization is that my infertility is not over just because I have had some success. I am still on the path and I am still not sure where that path is going to lead. When I comforted someone this week about her infertility, wasn't I also comforting myself about the reality that I may be in her shoes again sooner than later?

But there is a difference this time-- At a recent stake conference, a sister bore beautiful testimony about feeling like broken glass. And how she really couldn't see how the pieces could ever fit together again. But then she saw a stained glass window and it all made sense. She is not put together the way she thought, but all of her broken pieces have been fit together to make a whole that is more than she ever thought it could be.

It hit me that this is exactly what my experience with infertility is about. I look at my twins and it's easy to think that they are the end result. That they are the miracle. But that's not the whole story. The real miracle is that because of the hard time I had to get them--I grew to trust God with my life. (not that I do ALL the time). And so now, when I have to face the unknown again--the miracle is still there. The trust is still there. That no matter what the end result is (0, 1, or more kids) the miracle has already happened--the stained glass is being put together. The picture may not be what I planned--but the artist has a better plan anyway. And if I get broken again--I know exactly who will be fitting the pieces together.